17 Clever Insults to Keep Cretins Out of Your Life

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mattstaff
Mar 22, 2018 9:00 PM EDT

Try them out on your friends!

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  • 01
    Crayon - I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
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  • 02
    People - I'll bet you're the kind of guy who sets fireworks off in the middle of the day so they're .easier to see.
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  • 03
    Dish - You're like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
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  • 04
    Clothing - You're not pretty enough to be that stupid.
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  • 05
    Text - Look at you, standing there with your elbow half way up your arm/and your teeth in wigh ide your mouth.
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  • 06
    Text - If I wanted to kill myself, l'd climb up your ego.and jump to your lO 60 80 100 120 140 IQ
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  • 07
    Text - Tenvy everyone you have never met.
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  • 08
    Talent show - brought to you by FOR THE TATHERNE would love to insult you but rt Come I'm afraid I won't do it as well as nature did.
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  • 09
    Text - Somewhere out there, there's a tree whose single purpose on edrth is to replace the oxygen you waste... Go find it and apologize.
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  • 10
    Incandescent light bulb - You're not the brightest bulb in the box, butyou are the sharpest.
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  • 11
    Text - EUSO Not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
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  • 12
    Text - I can only explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.
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  • 13
    Performance - Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parentş.
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  • 14
    Submarine - You're about as useful as a screen door in a submarine.
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  • 15
    Helmet - Go get your helmet and wait in the car. 10 Ue
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  • 16
    Text - Like Ron Swanson oncesaid, just call them the wrong name. It lets them know that you do not care enough about them to remember what their name is.
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  • 17
    Wicker - Cupcake. Nobody likes being called cupcake when they're pissed off.
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witty comebacks clever insults funny
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